I’m going to be straightforward here (like that’s something unusual) and go for the proverbial jugular of the Keto diet – it sucks.
Here’s all the reasons why:
- I miss my veggies and fruit
- It’s almost impossible to find a Keto-friendly snack when you’re out and about (seriously, one day I ended up going to the supermarket and buying a pack of Babybell cheese and low-carb protein bars for lunch out of sheer desperation)
- I HAD TO PUT BUTTER AND COCONUT OIL IN MY TEA GUYS!
Yes, you read that correctly. Let me introduce you to the centrepiece of the veritable cholesterol cluster fuck that is the Keto diet – ‘keto-proof tea’.
If you follow me on Instagram (@heymel.fitness) you may have seen me making this cocktail of tea-flavoured lard over the past week. To recap, here’s what’s involved:
- Make black tea
- Chuck in a tablespoon of butter and a tablespoon of coconut oil
- Add some artificial sweetener to try and make it taste less like you’re eating molten butter
- Whizz it up in the blender
- Try to drink it without producing a clogged artery.
So what does it taste like? Exactly what you’d expect, and it leaves a delightful oil film around the inside of your mouth, to remind you for hours afterward just what you forced yourself to ingest for breakfast.
Week two meal plan
Apart from the Keto-proof tea, week two included a few other – more palatable – meal options.
- Breakfast: Egg and sausage muffins (surprisingly they were less gross than I anticipated)
- Lunch: Italian stuffed meatballs served with spinach leaves
- Dinner: ‘Zesty’ chicken nuggets with a dipping sauce
So is it working?
Good question – potentially too early to tell. I do admit I feel a little slimmer, and that could be due to cutting sugar pretty much completely out of my diet. It’s exceptionally hard to stay under 30g of carbs a day, and I’d estimate that 50% of the time I’m failing in that regard. This week I’m also not feeling as fatigued, which may mean my body has started to get used to this way of eating.I’m not sure if I’ve reached ketosis yet, as I’ve yet to do the test. But I assume I’ll know because I’ll ascend to some higher plane of existence. I’ve got two more weeks to go to see if I can achieve it … stay tuned!